Posted by: onmywaytosomething on: November 23, 2009
Sometimes, when I am stuck in one place, I look to really sad books for inspiration. I know I have a good life and I feel as if I owe it to those who have suffered to read their story. Also, with the boot, I am stuck in one place, so I was thinking having reading material would help me. Not so much. But I do want to say it made me want to feel better, to feel joyful more often. To feel that my joy is invincible and not affected by someone at work asking me about my future. I feel bombarded by feelings and by information about how much the economy sucks, so it’s hard for me to take steps toward a job hunt. But I have to. I might as well start now, with a resume.
Posted by: onmywaytosomething on: November 15, 2009
Dear Walking without fear without an assistive device,
You were my best friend. You made life ok. Then you disappeared. I don’t know how to be okay without you and I’m tired of trying. Maybe other people know how. Can they teach me? Is there some sort of class or something? Even a general attitude of gratitude and hope does not take away the pain. You could have left a note or something, given me a warning. What did I do wrong? I know, I know…Life isn’t fair, blah blah blah. I get it already. I’m supposed to be this sunny girl that teaches the world to love themselves.
Can I retire from that? I don’t know anything about that considering the unloving of self comments I make, and I’m too ashamed to post them here.
Posted by: onmywaytosomething on: October 26, 2009
Today, we focused on my feet and toes, mimicking heel, ball of foot, toe movement on a board. She also worked on each toe individually. This will create new pathways to my feet in order for my feet to learn a foot pattern that is more average. We also worked on my right hip, which she moved around my hip, and by that I mean she manipulated the tissue, not my actual leg. I learned that Feldenkrais is not a verbal therapy, but a therapy in which the practitioner communicates through movement how he or she wants the client’s muscles to move. How relaxing! In my fields of social work and education, the bulk of the work was verbal, even when written.
Posted by: onmywaytosomething on: October 21, 2009
It wasn’t painful. The therapy was relaxing, even mind clearing. I felt peace within me for the first time in a long time. I no longer feel like this has to be the magic treatment. I laid on a massage table while the practitioner moved my legs, and fixed my clothes so that they were even and she could see my legs better, which was interesting.I think it might be good for my body, but even better for my spirit than for my legs.
I felt like every disability I had was being reframed in a positive light and I had an eager person willing to help me. I don’t know when I’ll go back, but it’s a good start
Posted by: onmywaytosomething on: October 19, 2009
Tomorrow, I begin my journey with Feldenkrais therapy/technique. I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know what it will do. I’m afraid to have hope, but what can I lose? There is nothing I haven’t tried. I aim to post a new blog entry to document my journey, to reflect on the work and to share the results. In physical therapy, I know how to act, or at least I know how I act. The same for the gym and at work, but I have no defense put up for this treatment. I have laid it all out there for this therapy. Depression? I talked about it. Surgery? mentioned it. The fact that I’m emotional? Couldn’t leave it out.
And now….I move forward
Posted by: onmywaytosomething on: August 25, 2009
1. Don’t stick your hand, donning a stop and shop plastic bag, into the dirt trap of the conveyor belt if a person’s relish goes down there. You’ll still scratch your hand and the person won’t want it.
2. Be careful using Bill Me later. It turns out the “No Payment for 90 days” thing was only about purchases that were 200 and over. So I bought these sneakers thinking I’d have 90 days to pay and I I didn’t. Silly me.
3. Sometimes I can have self control. A lady asked me if I was crippled and I answered “Well I don’t really refer to myself in that way, but I suppose so”
Posted by: onmywaytosomething on: August 21, 2009
I used to be very private about exercise. Then I started to take Zumba, and my whole world changed. I started to loosen up and feel like I belonged somewhere. It was loud, fun, enthusiastic and not too serious. Basically, a person can just shake their butt in Zumba and look like they are doing it right. No one’s form is the same as someone else’s. We all do what we can. My friend Larry said it best. He asked me if I felt alive? and I said Yes. I wasn’t thinking about my career or a new job. I wasn’t thinking about CP other than wow I am kicking its ass right now. I was focused on being happy, and working to work with what I have. For the first time in a long time, I felt like myself.
Posted by: onmywaytosomething on: July 27, 2009
My dreams come and go
When positive I’m elated
When down, deflated
I reach out and instead of a hand I find words
Explanations
I want to connect
My heart is yearning for someone to step forward and be brave enough
to say yes I will not t just say I wish I could help, instead, I will help
Posted by: onmywaytosomething on: July 4, 2009
A customer’s son was turning thirteen today and she said “Oh to be thirteen again.” And I was like um, no thank you. Because 13 for me meant surgery, casts, pain, infection, and sadness. Now I am twice the age I was when I had that surgery in 1996. I don’t know if I’d do it again. I just know once was enough, thanks.
Posted by: onmywaytosomething on: March 27, 2009
My life has many parts. I am a sister, aunt, godmother, friend, employee, poet, Person with a disability. I work to make sure my mental health is top shape and remain physically active. I work part time because if I work too much, I become exhausted. I seem to have to always be in homeostasis to function; proper body temperature, not hungry or thirsty, or too tired, or in too much pain. My orthodontia requires monthly appointments. I enjoy reading memoirs and novels. I hate sad television shows, but am drawn to subjects such as addiction and mental illness. I’m not the neatest person. I drop my cell phone. I have been known to make a mess with those Crystal light packets. Sometimes I spill things. Sometimes I drop things and trip over them. Sometimes I don’t understand things and I get afraid to ask questions. Sometimes i become out of steam and overtired and cry as a toddler would. I’m very sensitive and it seems that that’s how I will be. I’ve had hard parts in life and easy parts in life and great parts in life. I don’t like things many do, such as s’mores, Vitamin Water, having long hair, wearing dress shoes, Eckhart Tolle, Spy Kids movies, Jimmy Neutron, Hannah Montana, High school Musical, and scary dogs. I love sneakers, iced coffee, Staples, the color blue, the color brown, getting pedicures, Costco, Barnes and Noble, spending time with my family, and working hard at the gym knowing I did a good job. I love donating to causes I believe in, and being generous.
